Potpourri for $1400, Alex
Pedophile "Suicides," Racially Motivated Donuts, Doctors vs. California, and the Chicago Solution to Shooting
9 Out of 10 Doctors Agree, California is a Disaster
As an American with countless friends and family in the medical sphere, I can confidently say that I am less than confident in our healthcare system. It’s already being lambasted from both sides for being too expensive or not good enough, and now we have the Zoom University graduates who cheated their way through nursing and medical school rising up to be the next generation of medical professionals. Your life is in good hands, Boomers. Speaking of, the Boomers continue to get older and have begun dying off, and this massive influx of millions of patients will no doubt put a further strain on our healthcare system already overloaded with millions of Fat Bastards clogging up the arteries of themselves and the hospitals.
To make things even worse, you now have California forcing its doctors to take over 50 hours of “implicit bias” training every two years to keep their licenses. Being California, the land of fruits and nuts, this training of course says that white people are naturally racist and other stupid horseshit like that. Some of you may be upset that they’re brainwashing the doctors into believing this dribbling, divisive DEI diatribe, but they already were brainwashed in the years of higher education they had to attend before even getting here. Even worse, this does nothing but take away time that these doctors could be using to get actual important work done. Instead, some overpaid, overzealous diversity officer will waste their time, degrade them based on nothing but their race, and cost you, the patient, even more money since the hospital is mandated by the state to hire these morons for egregiously exorbitant prices. And to make up for that cost, your medical bill will continue to soar. This diversity and sensitivity training hootenanny is the biggest grift I’ve ever seen, and its causing prices and taxes to go up when they implement this in elementary schools, grocery stores, corporate offices, government offices, the military, churches…
This Pedo is Russian to an Early Grave
Russians, especially of late, tend to get a bad rap, but this story goes to show that the Ruskies, they’re alright in my book. In a small village in the Samara Oblast of Russia, a man by the name of Vyacheslav Matrosov was sharing drinks with his pal Oleg Sviridov when he made a horrifying discovery. Oleg, who would often babysit Vyacheslav’s six-year-old daughter, had a video of himself raping the young girl on his phone where she could be heard saying “Oleg, that’s enough, I can’t take it anymore, I want to go home.” Needless to say, this sent the father into a rampage. He violently beat his now former friend and gave him an ultimatum: turn himself into the police or commit suicide.
Later, Vyacheslav brought Oleg’s phone to the police. The whole village soon found out about what happened, and it was discovered that Oleg had been preying on other girls in the village as well. Oleg was last seen going into the nearby woods with Vyacheslav, who was carrying a shovel. Oleg’s lifeless corpse was found in a pit, riddled with 38 stab wounds.
Now, it’s quite apparent to everyone with a functioning brain that Vyacheslav sought revenge for his daughter and obviously killed him. He was lauded as a local hero by the village folk, and here’s the best part: the Russian police ruled it as a suicide. In Russia, it is apparently customary for pedophiles to go out into the woods at night, dig their own graves, and stab themselves in the back repeatedly. This is justice, and while we in the United States promote pedophilic individuals like California State Senator Scott Wiener, at least the Russians aren’t afraid to show these vile, monstrous pieces of human garbage how they should be treated. So, на здоровье my Slavic comrades, you aren’t all bad after all.
The Krispy Kreme Klan
Beloved doughnut chain Krispy Kreme got into a bit of hot water with their latest add from the upside-down land of Australia. In this ad, some words would go by with the letter “o” in them replaced by doughnuts, with more doughnuts filling in to make words like “movie,” “footy,” and “hooray” and change them to “mooovie,” for example. The “problem” arose when the “congratulations” one changed into “coongratulations” for approximately half a second, sparking the race-hustlers of the world to freak out and shriek racism over the use of the word “coon.”
One of these grifters is professional useless person and anti-racism campaigner Stephen Hagan, who said that it was “an absolute disgrace that in 2023, someone thinks they can come up with an… ad like that on a product that is very popular with people of colour.” Buddy, you were traumatized by two doughnuts.
Why do we have to make mountains out of molehills? Not everything is racist for God’s sake. These grifters have to keep finding racism or else they’re out of a job. All this does is divide us further and further, and for what? Because some imaginary people were allegedly offended by some CGI doughnuts? Seriously, can we all step back for a moment and realize how absurd and ridiculous this is?
Gang Shootings? Just Say No!
Oh Chicago, the Windy City of musical fame has been affectionately called Chiraq by some thanks to its reputation as a dangerous shithole, but is this true? I vividly recall, back during the simpler times of years gone by, sharing the baffling statistic that you were three times more likely to be shot to death in Chicago than if you were stationed in Iraq or Afghanistan. Yes, the city with some of the strictest gun control measures in the country still manages to be among the highest ranked in terms of gun violence. So, what is the solution? Well, Maria Hadden, a city alderwoman, has suggested to politely ask the cities local gangs if they would kindly restrict their shootings to between 9:00PM-9:00AM.
So, let me get this straight: instead of increasing police presence, enforcing laws and actually locking up criminals, or letting the citizenry arm and defend themselves, the solution is to ask if the peoples’ whose ostensible careers include trafficking, raping and murdering could maybe keep that business to dedicated hours? Correct me if I’m wrong, cause I’m no legal scholar, but isn’t it always illegal to murder people, no matter the time of day?
To be fair, I get why they’re doing this. If the shootings were to occur when less people were outside, then less innocents will get caught in the crossfire or hit by stray bullets from gang-banger drive-bys. As the proponent of this idea herself stated, “you have to start somewhere.” Believe me, this is far from the most absurd and dangerous idea from the Cook County political machine, but it really is missing the forest for the trees. Still, I wish them the best of luck in their endeavors, but here’s my sagacious wisdom for Chicago’s aldermen and women: criminal gang members aren’t exactly known for keeping their word or their upstanding moral character.