Book 'Em Danno!: A Look at 2022's Most Challenged Books
Going Through this List Like a WatchMojo Video
* Language & Visual Warning, Reader Discretion is Advised (This is Not Suitable for Children) *
Chapter 1: The Premise
There’s been a lot of talk lately about banning books and how this is fascism and leading us to literal 1984, and I took it upon myself to see what exactly these books being banned were, why they were being challenged, and what the banning entailed. What I found was very interesting indeed, and I wanted to share my findings with you, dear reader.
Chapter 2: The Discovery
Firstly, I found that the primary source for any and all articles about the topic is the American Library Association (ALA). They claim that in 2022, censors targeted a record 2,571 unique titles. Well, that sounds alarming. Trust me, no one hates fascists more than I, and I’m with Dr. Jones on the whole burning books thing; not a fan. But upon further research, no list of these 2,571 titles exists. The ALA isn’t showing their work, some educational institution they are. Not to mention that Deborah Caldwell-Stone, the director of the ALA’s Office for Intellectual Freedom, has stated herself that the ALA has no clue how many of these challenges actually resulted in bans. Source? Trust me bro.
It would also turn out that most of the “bannings” being discussed aren’t Nazi book burnings and complete erasure of this literature from public spaces, but rather removals from elementary and middle school libraries. Not high school libraries, not public libraries, not private bookstores, not online retailers, and not virtual libraries, which would mean the books are still accessible to anyone who wants to seek them out. But for a school library, some books will require parents’ permission before borrowing. That seems pretty reasonable to me, especially considering the subject material of some of the books, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Keep in mind that when I say “banned” going forward, I mean banned in the sense that children are banned from seeing R rated movies and banned from buying explicit CDs from music stores (if kids still do that anymore, I apologize for showing my age.) It essentially means children have to go through their parents or guardians to get to this material. So sorry parents, it will require the bare-minimum effort of you if you really want your kids to read smut.
These factors are enough to make one skeptical, but still, I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Let’s look at the ALA’s list of the “Top 13 Most Challenged Books of 2022” and “Let Freedom Read” as their cutesy slogan says.
Chapter 3: The List
Unlike political partisans, I’m going to give each and every book a fair shake and see why it would be “banned,” and like Drake, I’m going to be starting from the bottom and working my way up. Given the sheer number of these books, I’m going to keep it short for each one. Let’s begin.
13: This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson
One of the reasons this book is listed as being banned is “claimed to be sexually explicit,” and like many other books on this list, you’ll see that “claimed to be sexually explicit” means “is sexually explicit and apparently we want children to read it.” Here are some topics covered in just one chapter (Chapter 9 for the depraved who want to read for themselves) in the book:
The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex
Why are Gay Men so Slutty?
Saunas and Sex Parties
My friends at the ALA, this literal guide on how to have sex isn’t merely a “claim of sexual explicitness.” If you’re an adult and want to read this, go for it. None of the parents protesting this book in schools care if adults read it. Even the author has said the book is “not for children.” If it’s not for children, then why the outrage over its removal from K-8 libraries?
12: Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews
Allow me to share with you an excerpt from this alleged child-friendly book:
Earl: “Are you going to eat her pussy?”
Greg: “I’m going to eat her pussy.”
Earl: “Do you even know how to eat pussy? Papa Gaines never sat you down, said, Son, one day you’re going to have to eat the pussy.”
Greg: “No, but he did teach me how to eat a butthole.”
Earl: “I would teach you some pussy-eating technique, but it’s a little complicated.”
Greg: “I’m on pussy deadline… I’m talkin bout pussy. I got a little honey mustard over here, a little Heinz 57, and a whole lotta pussy… Yo, Pa Gaines drove me down to Whole Foods, so if you need some funky Vlassic pickle relish for that pussy, just holla!”
So, given that, over 100 instances of the word “fuck” in the book, as well as countless other sexual and crude-language filled scenarios, many school districts like the one in Greenville, Michigan, decided to ban the book from middle and elementary school libraries, citing a lack of educational material. They still kept it in the high school library, however.
11: Crank by Ellen Hopkins
So Crank is supposed to be a cautionary tale about the dangers of hard drug abuse, and you know what? That’s a good thing for high schoolers to read, just not elementary and middle schoolers. Not everyone wants their small children to read about topics covered by the book like meth and cocaine abuse, rape, prostitution and teen pregnancy. I can see why this one was removed from K-8 libraries, but otherwise, these topics can be important to cover for some more mature students.
10: A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas
Good God, where do I begin with this? This is quite literally one of those cheesy lady porn novels like the ones you see with Fabio-looking dudes on the cover that lonely, sexed-up, middle-aged housewives read to forget about their failing marriages. Here’s one of the tamer of the sultry and steamy scenes from the book:
His tongue swept my mouth again, in time to the finger that he slipped inside of me. My hips ungulated, demanding more, craving the fullness of him, and his growl reverberated in my chest as he added another finger.
This is 100% not appropriate for children. How the hell did this end up in a school library? What’s next, books like these?
9: Out of Darkness by Ashley Hope Perez
Another book under the “claimed to be sexually explicit” category that does actually contain scenes of violent rape and consensual sex alike. Despite this, the book is still claimed by the publisher to be suitable for 8th graders. I’m sorry, what? It’s definitely not, but much like Crank, I think this one is getting a bit of an unfair shake. Perez herself has theorized that the book is being removed from libraries due to its focus on race, and I don’t buy that theory, personally. It came out in 2015 during the height of the BLM protests turned riots, and no one said anything then. I say make it available for high school students, but definitely not for younger students than that.
8: The Absolutely True Story of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
The book is very much like other Sherman Alexie titles if you’ve read them, meaning it contains sexual themes, foul language, anti-Christian mockery, racial stereotypes… and hey speaking of stereotypes, it has Native Americans dealing with alcoholism, too. Now is this necessary for a school curriculum? No, parents should have the right to challenge it if they see fit. But this is far from the worst on this list. Good job Sherman, next beer’s on me.
7: Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison
Author Jonathan Evison said in an interview that he never meant for his book to be put in school libraries, and he was surprised when the ALA gave Lawn Boy an award in 2019 for its appeal to teens. As it turns out, Lawn Boy is a very adult story filled with drug use, graphic sexual descriptions, pornography, racism, and a scene depicting two children performing sexual acts on each other. Yikes.
Evison believes that if any librarians recommended his book to elementary and middle schoolers, they probably confused it with a children’s book called Lawn Boy by Gary Paulson. Oops. Sorry Mrs. Smith for giving your son pornography, I thought it was a kids book about an actual lawn boy. Anyways, Evison then went on to say that “nobody below a teenager is ready for [Lawn Boy], it’s got a lot of adult stuff.” Despite this, out of 35 challenges to the book, it remains available in 25/35 school districts. Makes one wonder about what sort of individuals are running the school boards: it’s truly frightening.
6: Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Here’s a famous book, one I’m sure many of you have either read or heard of. It’s being challenged in middle schools, and rightfully so given the drug use, underage drinking and a very detailed passage regarding a date rape that the protagonist witnesses. It also has scenes like this:
“Brad and Patrick went into Patrick’s room. I don’t want to go into detail about it because it’s pretty private stuff, but I will say that Brad assumed the role of the girl in terms of where you put things. I think that’s pretty important to tell you. When they were finished, Brad started to cry really hard. He had been drinking a lot. And getting really really stoned.”
No, I don’t care if they’re having gay sex (this scene) or straight sex (date-rape scene), I don’t think an 11-year-old sixth grader should be reading about any kind of sex. However, it is also being challenged in high schools, which I don’t think is necessary. Believe it or not, high school kids do drugs, drink and have sex. In other news, the sky is blue and fish swim. Now, were it up to me, I’d ban the book for being so pretentious. “And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.” What a fucking wanker.
5: Looking for Alaska by John Green
I’m gonna be real with you guys, I can’t bring myself to read a John Green book for this article. Not after The Fault in Our Stars popularized the mind-numbingly awful “sick lit” subgenre of novels about dying teenagers having sappy romances. I’m sorry; I can’t do it. But what I can do is read Green’s FAQ page regarding a very special scene from this book specifically:
The language in the oral sex scene is extremely clinical and distant and unsensual. The word “penis” is used rather than member or hot rod or whatever else you’ll find in romance novels.
Romance novels? Like A Court of Mist and Fury from earlier in this list? And that’s a relief, I didn’t want the children to misinterpret the message behind this scene. Thank you for the medical terminology, John.
It seemed to me pretty obvious that I was arguing against vapid sexual encounters in which no one has any fun and celebrating the underappreciated virtues of super-hot kissing in which everyone keeps their clothes on. (Some censors, clearly, feel otherwise, although most of them never read the blow job scene in context.)
Wait, never mind, the context about how kissing can be more sexy, meaningful and connection-building than oral sex between minors makes it okay for children to read. While the message of love being better than lust is a noble one, the contextualization still doesn’t make it any more appropriate for children, John.
4: Flamer by Mike Curato
Is this even a book? No, it’s actually a graphic novel, which makes it very easy to show why it’s not appropriate for kids. Or at least it would be if I didn’t 1) Have my own set of standards and morals and 2) Was allowed to put those violent and pornographic images of children on this platform. Not only does main character Aiden try to, um, “un-alive” himself, but there is also a two pager of him watching pornography and whacking his willy, as it were. I’m not going to show that here, and the fact that I can’t is reason enough for it to not being reading material for children, methinks.
The book also contains this doozie: “Too short. Too fat. Not MAN enough. Not WHITE enough. Not STRAIGHT enough. I'll never be safe ANYWHERE,” and the cringe factor of that alone is enough for me to want to personally ban it.
3: The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
This one is still here? People have been challenging this book’s extremely adult content for a quarter of a century! Believe it or not, a depressing story about a self-hating black girl who is constantly abused and even raped by her alcoholic father isn’t suitable for kids. Who knew? And once again, we see the ALA lying as they try to push the idea that this book is being challenged for its “diversity, equity and inclusion” themes. No, it’s not. The concerns people have raised are for the cursing and the scenes of extreme sexual and physical violence.
Toni Morrison’s not all bad though. She did say one of the funniest things of all time when she called Bubba Bill Clinton our “first black president” and then had to hilariously backtrack and qualify that statement a mere 10 years later when Obama was elected. Whoops.
2: All Boys Aren’t Blue: A Memoir-Manifesto by George M. Johnson
Who doesn’t love a good manifesto? Some may deal with the author’s critique on capitalism, their distaste for the industrial revolution and its consequences, or being a fucking loser, but this one deals with, well how better to describe it then with some snippets:
“I wasn’t quite sure who I was supposed to be in the bedroom. He didn’t know I was a virgin, and I did my best to act dominant like my favorite porn star. I was an actor, and this was my movie.”
“I remember the condom was blue and flavored like cotton candy.”
At least these scenes were between two consenting adults, but I’d hardly call this appropriate for children, let alone educational in any way to be taught in a class. But it gets worse, much worse, as the author recollects about when he was a child and he and his cousin had sexual intercourse:
“You then grabbed my hand and made me touch it. It was the first time I had ever touched a penis that wasn't my own… Cousins weren't supposed to do these things with cousins… By now we were both touching each other. I tried my best not to enjoy it, because you were my cousin…But it felt so right for a boy who always felt that he was wrong.”
“You told me to take-off my pajama pants, which I did. You then took off your shorts, followed by your boxers. There you stood in front of me fully erect and said, "Taste it." At first, I laughed and refused. But then you said, "Come on, Matt, taste it. This is what other boys like us do when we like each other.” I finally listened to you… Then you got down on your knees and told me to close my eyes. That's when you began oral sex on me as well…despite the guilt I was feeling, there was also euphoria.”
Sorry George, but this isn’t “educational” like you claim, it is incestual child pornography with a side of regular pornography as well. I’m honestly not even sure high schoolers should be reading this, and even if they are, they definitely shouldn’t be doing it as part of a class curriculum. Let’s just wrap this up. It can’t get any worse than this, right? Right?
1: Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe
So, it turns out things can get worse. A lot worse, in fact. This “book” has become infamous as of late, and you’ll see why soon. And I use scare quotes for “book” because it’s a graphic novel, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember when Watchmen and Frank Miller Batman comics became required reading in schools, but I digress. This glorified comic book is chock full of rather inappropriate and gratuitous sexual scenes. Because this is by far the worst one of these books, I am going to show some pages of this graphic novel (which is available for free online). I didn’t show the scenes from the other graphic novel, as those featured children, but seeing as these feature adults, I’m going to show them as they need to be seen to be believed.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Here’s a fun fact, on the previous panels, “Z’s” career is revealed to be manager of a sex toy store, and on their second date, they discuss their fetishes, kinks and the hairiness of their pubic areas. How romantic.
Did you enjoy that? I sure didn’t. But critics love this “book”, which is no surprise. I think it goes without saying, but this doesn’t belong anywhere near a school of any kind. There are plenty of other, far more appropriate, books about LGBTQ identity and accepting yourself and all that jazz. One of the most laughable excuses I saw defending it was from this NBC News article where the author says this,
“But for its handful of graphic illustrations of LGBTQ sexual experiences — out of the book’s hundreds of drawings — the parent, Stacy Langton, passionately argued that it should be removed from school shelves.”
You’re joking, right? If a 10-hour Barney the Dinosaur marathon included a brief 30-minute interlude of degenerate, hardcore, furry porn where Barney gets violently sodomized live on TV, would you let a child watch it? But it’s only a handful of graphic minutes out of the marathon’s hundreds of minutes, after all. Don’t be such a bigot.
Chapter 4: The Wrap-Up
So, what have we learned? Well, there are two big takeaways here: the ALA are a bunch of dirty, lying bastards, and none of these 13 books are suitable for anyone below a high school level.
The ALA says all of the books were “claimed to be sexually explicit,” but as we have seen, they all are sexually explicit. This is a sleight of hand to make uninformed viewers of their propaganda (which again, I remind you, has no work cited or shown) believe that it’s just prudes and puritans who gasp at the sight of a woman’s exposed ankle who think this is sexual content. No, these books all contain detailed and descriptive scenes of sex and rape or how-to guides on intercourse. This is never appropriate for young children. Not to make ad-hominem statements here, but if you’re really trying this hard to push sex onto children, you’re a pedophile.
Despite this, I’d say just about all of these are appropriate for a high school audience and I believe that calls to remove them from high school curricula and libraries are prudish and condescending to teenagers. Like I said before, high school students do engage in this type of behavior and shielding them from this literature is not helpful to them. Despite their frequent immaturities, older teenagers are mature enough to read about this content. I was a teenager once, and you were too, we should both understand what someone of that age can and can’t handle.
So, it turns out these so-called book bans aren’t really all their cracked up to be, but they’re not insignificant either. In my research, I found plenty of these books being challenged on the high school level, which I think is mostly absurd. It’s not a Nazi book burning happening liberals, but it’s also not a benevolent protection of the children either, conservatives; some of you are being way too prudish. Regardless, parents should have the right to know what their children are being taught, and they should have the right to challenge questionable material in schools.
It baffles me that the same people who push this pornography onto children also say they’ll be traumatized by reading the word “fat” in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It’s illogical insanity. Despite this, cooler heads will prevail, debates can be had, and the books can still be accessed from other sources if you really want them enough. But seriously, stop pushing pornography onto kids.